DIY Dungeon

Hey, Look what I found at the hardware store!

Kink comes with a certain set of expenses. They’re not mandatory, by any means. You can play with bare hands and teeth, beat someone with a rolled up newspaper*, anything really. But toys are fun, and not all of us can afford (or want) to pay market price for floggers, canes, paddles, etc.

I’m on a pretty strict budget. All my fetishwear comes from the thrift store. I clean the dungeon in lieu of paying to attend parties. And toys? I have a few made-for-kink items–the violet wand, the chain-mail whip–but a huge number of them come from Home Depot.

I live within walking distance of one of these. I’m doomed.

There are some toys that are a small project to build, others that come ready to use right off the shelf.

Ready Made Impact Toys

The rubber hammer ($5). Every single time this comes out of the bag at the club, someone says “holy shit” and it makes my night. 16 oz of dense rubber make a delightful thud. It also comes in white.

Then there are pipes. At almost 2.5 lbs, an 18″ length of 1″ steel pipe makes quite an impression. Wrapping this in electrical tape improves grip and can cover any ridges or sharp edges on the end.

Copper pipes–where to begin? I have four, in different lengths and diameters. I’ve named my favorite the sandman. It’s 24″ of 3/4″ copper pipe. Because I like very heavy impact and the pipe alone is only a shade over half a pound, I filled it with playground sand and gorilla-glued on some caps. Electrical tape around one end for a handle, and voila! Nice heavy impact toy that can be easily electrified, if you’re into that sort of thing.

5′ Bamboo stakes are 6 for $2. Cut them in half and you have a dozen bamboo switches. They sting like mad.

Clothespins and Paracord

Oh, clothespin zippers. It’s less than $3 for 50 feet of paracord and under $2.50 for 50 clothespins. I haven’t used more than about 125 pins in one zipper yet, but i keep about 300 in the bag. You know, just in case.

Cling Film Mummies

1500 feet of pallet wrap costs less than $12. That’s close to ten full mummifications (for which you’ll also need a bit of sponge [about 1×2″] and a breathing tube [4-6″]). Or just don’t mummify the head; it’s fun when the mummy can talk. Going over the whole mummy in duct tape takes a while, but well worth it. So many colors to choose from!

There are a few other things made from hardware store components in my bag, but they’re a tad more involved to put together.

[coming soon: pervertible kitchen and office supplies. yay!]

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Sex at three standard deviations