What’s your opinion on online BDSM play?
I think it’s the natural extension of combining a long-distance relationship and the Internet. It can be intimidating (or in smaller communities simply difficult) to find a local partner with enough overlap of interest to play with. Online play comes with very little attendant risk: inexperienced partners can’t do physical damage, anonymity can be maintained, fantasy can be indulged tonight with no worry about bruises tomorrow. That said, I don’t do it. Generally I’m very tactile- and olfactory-oriented; I doubt I could properly feel like I was playing with someone whose skin I couldn’t feel or whose hair I couldn’t smell. I enjoy flirting with one lovely boy over IM, but it’s just that: flirting. It can definitely leave me swooning or vicious or full of want, which is a lovely form of torment. Still, it doesn’t feel like play so much as foreplay that can’t go anywhere unless one of us wants to fly across the Mason-Dixon line. It’s worth it, because I know this boy rather well and he’s such a delight that I’m frankly addicted, but I don’t see even that level of Internet-based play happening with anyone else.
I know there are some erotic roleplaying options such as Elliquiy out there, and I’ve considered joining. I love to write, erotically and otherwise. However I’d hate to start something and get bored by a story moving in a direction I don’t care for, or rambling on too long, or (horror of horrors) a roleplaying partner with poor spelling or grammar.
Do your non-kink interests ever find their way into your kinky activities? If so, how?
Tangentially, I suppose. Shared interests are at least as important as physical appeal in finding a partner, so things like playing board games or discussing books/science/theology/philosophy can lead to a connection. My husband and I have played board and card games with stakes: winner gets to determine the night’s kinky activities. But mainly, no, there’s not much overlap.
How do you dress for kink/BDSM play? What significance does your attire have to you?
At home I don’t. It’s underwear or nothing. I do like to dress for play parties. High heels and short skirts are typical. I can go for any look from sweet Southern girl to leather librarian depending on the impression I want to make at a given party: a leather pencil skirt and crisp blouse advertise “domme,” hair under a pageboy cap with a boyish shirt and jeans say “lesbian,” &c. It provides a hint at least to folks who might be considering approaching for play. I also adore any excuse to dress up (My Halloween costume collection is starting to look like a DC rogue gallery. It’s awesome.), so getting fancy for play parties is just fun, even if I know it’s all coming off for a scene. Attire doesn’t have any greater significance for me; I don’t have a collar or other signifier of ownership by or of anyone else.
Do you have a BDSM title (e.g. mistress, master, slut, pig, whore, princess, goddess, ma’am, sir)? What is your opinion of the use of titles in general?
I do not. I generally prefer to use my name. The occasional well-placed “ma’am” can snap me from feeling tentatively dominant into a very focused predatory/protective state, but I imagine it would be annoying if overused. I don’t mind being called a slut or whore for a scene, but it has to be pre-negotiated or I might flip out.
The thirtieth item was “whatever BDSM/kink related thing you want to write about.” I’m pretty sure the entirety of this blog counts as that, so I’m not going to try to come up with a mini-post for it here.