I am not a swinger.
I have not joined the local swinger’s society. I will not set foot in either of the swinger’s clubs in the city. When relationship status comes up, I usually say something like “I’m not a swinger and I’m not a slut, just non-monogamous”.
So I was kind of shocked when an acquaintance from kink circles sent a message via Fet:
My friend [redacted] wants to have a foursome with me and [boyfriend], and I need a second lady.
followed an hour later by:
So, could this happen maybe tonight?! lol I wanna make sure it happens and that I could FINALLY fuck you at the same time…too good to be true! Must act now, before this golden opportunity slips away somehow!
Here’s the thing. I don’t get upset about being propositioned for sex (unless it’s incredibly whiny or pressuring). I found this one creepy, but she had no way to know I would without asking. So I told her:
Sorry hon, the great Thanksgiving orgy* aside, I’m not actually that into group sex. I’m definitely not interested in having sex with a stranger [I’d never met this friend of hers], or with anyone on such short notice. I always need a serious conversation about risks and protection, and to know everyone is sober, among other things. Perhaps you’d do better asking someone you know through [swinger’s society]?
i wouldn’t have thought much more of it, except she did one worse this weekend. A long, drunken message telling me that she and a few men were having a good time at her place and she was just desperate for a woman to join in so couldn’t I please come by? There were several paragraphs suggesting she has a pretty strong obsession with me, which I hope isn’t the case because we hardly know each other and that’s creepy.
But what the fuck? After I told her, clearly, that I’m not interested in group sex, sex with drunken people, sex with strangers, or impulsive sex with new partners, she still thought it would be okay to beg me to do all of those things at the same time?
I just..gah. I haven’t responded, and don’t plan to since she’s moving out of the country in a couple of weeks. am really hoping it doesn’t come up again.
*Yes, this was a real event. Fine. Maybe I am kind of a slut.